2008
02.04

I’m Jordan, and I endorse Barack Obama as the Democratic candidate for the United States of America.As a member of the last generation of Americans who realizes that there hasn’t yet been a black President, I’m excited by the prospect of Obama being the first. He’s even much more handsome and white-acting than all of those black Presidents on the TV! And if being alifetime watcher of Fox’s Bones has taught me anything, life definitely imitates art. An Obama nomination is practically inevitable.

I must admit I am enchanted by Hillary’s strategically-weathered facade. As a young, gay professional, women like Hillary are my bread and butter – the one that could totally bust balls all day at work, and then somehow beat you to the bar, finishing her second G&T beforeyou can even get the bartender’s attention. She’d probably talk shit about her ex-girlfriends, refer to Condi in the masculine, and totally have something funny to say about the day’s Hot Topics on The View. I’m usually smitten with broads like that within seconds.

In the real world, men like Obama, conversely, make me nervous – tall, attractive, confident, well-dressed, straight, and super interested in your well-being. Call me a skeptic, but I’m skeptical. He probably doesn’t drink, either, which generally means he’d never laugh at my jokes and would probably be offended within 10 minutes of meeting me. He strikes me as the kind of guy that would generally want to show me affection, but would do so by trying to do one of those straight-guy-high-five-turned-hand-shake combos that scare the living shit out of me.

But here’s the thing: I want that guy to be President. One of the things that draws me most to Hillary is that she shares my level of thoughtful cynicism, but that’s also the one thing I don’t want our next President to have. Not an ounce of it. I want him or her to see the empty page that starts the next chapter of American politics and fill it up with whatever great ideas his or her well-intentioned heart dreams up.

I feel like Hillary would trace lines on the page and begin to write out a very liberal, very intelligent to-do list, laboring over every word as though all of American history’s past and future were critiquing her handwriting.

With the same page, I imagine Obama would start by turning the book sideways. Or even upside-down. Then, maybe he’d trace his hand, make it into a turkey, and then write an adorably smart haiku about turkeys underneath. Then, he’d turn the page and invite Vice President John Edwards to join him in a game of hang man. Because why not?

There’s plenty of time for The Same Old Stuff, but there’s rarely an opportunity to start off so fresh, inspired, and enlivened.

Oh, and he’s handsome as hell and could probably give Cheney a run for his money in the shorts department, if you know what I mean. That’s worth something, right?

10 comments so far

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  1. haha, amazing. I will definitely want a nice framed copy of the Obama Turkey-Hand Haiku once he’s president.

    A turkey dinner
    Is all that I want right now
    I am so hungry

  2. Haha, amazing. I will want a nice framed copy of the Obama Turkey-Hand Haiku when he’s President.

    A turkey dinner
    Is all that I want right now
    I am so hungry

  3. wow…perfectly put into words for me…ambivalence and all.

  4. I would just like to point out a mistake that everyone seems to be making with Obama, which for some reason, is becoming a pet-peeve of mine. He’s not black, he’s biracial. His mother was a white lady from Kansas and his father was a black man from Kenya. That makes him half black and half white = biracial. Anyways. I would love to see Obama and Hillary in the White House together. I think they would make a great team!

    Obama/Clinton ’08!!!!!

  5. Don’t most biracial people identify as “black”? Doesn’t Obama? I’ve heard him refer to himself as black numerous times.

  6. I’ll admit, I have heard Obama refer to himself as “a brother”… But even still, his mother wasn’t “a sister”. Putting all that aside, he would make a GREAT intern for President Hillary. ;-) (Only pulling your chain, since you endorsed him in your above post)

  7. I totally agree with your sentiments here, Pen. Especially the Turkey-Hand Haiku thing! ; ) As for the black/bi-racial comments – he is an African American, having an American white mother and an African black father. He’s coming to Portland, OR, Friday and my partner and I have tickets to the event. I am sick of Bushes and Clintons, but more sick of cable news shows blowing deliberatelyl replaying the whole minister thing over and over. But I’m thrilled that other white Americans are supporting him. It’s time. I hope he’s our next president.

  8. I’m glad that you’re intimidated by the high-five-handshake thing too. I can’t do it and always put it down to being terminally British and therefore incapable of such casual coolness.

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