2008
03.03

We’ve been retching at the identical twin concepts of Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia ever since they were announced as upcoming midseason replacements last fall. Months later, both shows appear to be on the brink of cancellation. Yet with the networks’ post-strike intention to spend less money developing new shows and producing pilots, we’re pretty sure that we’re going to see a lot more shows like these in the near future: Predigested concepts featuring familiar fading stars that they can turn directly into series without wasting money on things like shooting a pilot, hiring talented writers or revising the scripts.

And because TV executives love nothing more than pandering to the insecurities of lonely single ladies, we expect a lot more aspirational dramedies about beautiful, high-powered New York women who just want to have it all, dammit. Like these:

Lycra Spandex County:
High-powered women’s magazine editor Octavia McBride (Lucy Lawless) falls down the steps outside her Upper West Side condo and into the arms of sexy furniture mover Hud (Steven Strait). What does this mean for her engagement to a wealthy commitmentphobe venture capitalist (Steven Weber)? Octavia frets over omakase with her best friends, an acerbic advice columnist (Samantha Mathis), an assistant DA (Elisabeth Rohm, or maybe Angie Harmon) and a television pastry chef (whichever one isn’t playing the DA).

Eyeliner Village: Workaholic ad executive Violet Heatherton (Teri Polo) is pulling another all-nighter surrounded by foamcore story boards and takeout Chinese food. But an MSG overdose sends her into the emergency room, where she catches the eye of a sexy gastroenterologist (Bradley Cooper). Can Violet juggle the demands of a career and a relationship, while still managing to spend 20 minutes per episode drinking white wine alone in her rent-controlled Greenwich Village loft? She nevertheless finds the time to self-reflect, loudly, during yoga class with her best pals, a wind-chime designer (Annabella Sciorra), the owner of a wildly successful online fortunetelling service (Debi Mazar) and a country singer (Crystal Bernard).

Pantyliner Paradise: Ambitious TriBeCa art gallery owner Marlena Albright (Anne Heche, assuming Men in Trees is cancelled by then) never met a markup she didn’t like – but she can’t put a price on her own happiness. Everything changes when she starts representing a brilliant, 18-year-old artist (Michael Angarano) who paints exclusively with blood and creme fraiche. Can Marlena put aside her prejudices about dating someone half her age? Find out during her weekly mudbath yak sessions with her lady posse, a brilliant veterinarian (Julie Bowen), a Wiccan talk show host (Fairuza Balk) and a token black lady (Regina King).

8 comments so far

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  1. I’ll watch anything with Angie Harmon! Especially if it involves her in Lycra.

  2. It almost brings to mind the only decent part of the 3rd Naked Gun movie, when they are at the Oscar telecast, and every movie nominee is “one woman’s struggle to overcome a yeast infection, set against the backdrop of the tragic 1991 Buffalo Bills season”…

    Think of how long it’ll make the Emmys in a few years- they’ll have to present them in the Daytime, Caesar Milan can host…

  3. i wanna peni5 any 1 of them

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